The Green-Eyed Monster

I try to live the simple life. Really, I do. But people keep getting in my way. 

So I got married a little under a year ago. It was a glorious affair. I wasn't as much into the wedding as I was into the prospect of being married to the man of my reality. Man of my dreams would be a cliche unworthy of my husband. He is my reality spark, as you will come to learn if you follow my blog. Anyway, a grand part of getting married for me was my wedding ring. See, I have always been a firm believer in acknowledging meaning. I don't do things "just because". Save for my late teenage years when I bowed to peer pressure, I never wore rings on my fingers "just because". I needed any ring I ever wore to be a meaningful ring. And I looked forward to the day of the meaningful ring. And the day came. And I got to pick my meaningful ring that cost a meaningful price. And now, less than a year later, I want a meaningful upgrade to my already meaningful set of rings.

So what is fueling this sudden 'need' for an upgrade? Are my rings too tight? Too flashy? Did my Rottweiler mistakenly swallow my rings confusing them for doggy biscuits? Maybe the fell into the garbage disposal... I don't know. Who is behind this urge? I have a name, Envy. Simple. I said when I started this post that I try to live the simple life. 

It baffles me that we can be so consumed by something someone else has, that we immerse ourselves in trying to obtain that one thing, ignoring the innumerable things that we have that they don't. Like how I absolutely enjoy driving my 1996 Toyota ED, but will pull out my calculator each time I see the 2008 Subaru Forester, or a Tribeca... heck, I've been known to pull it out for a Noah! And suddenly I will find everything that's wrong with ED and come up with a pile of reasons why I should acquire a new car. It's not quite because I need a new car. Nothing wrong with the old one. But envy makes us desire what we can't have.

Envy has three stages; Disappointment, Dislike, Destruction. Envy destroys peace and will distract you from your purpose. As I have learned recently. Remember that ring problem I was having earlier? I followed through on it. I actually went to a ring shop and got coaxed into ordering a third ring that I don't really need. An expensive ring. One that I will spend the next four months painfully paying for. PAINFULLY! Very painfully. At the expense of more serious things I could have done with that money. Like putting a child through 2 years of high school, or contributing towards a feeding program for orphans in Tiriki. I've turned down an intern at church because I didn't have enough room in my budget to support her, and yet here I am paying for a 3rd ring that I don't need. I'm paying for a 3rd ring, others would praise God in heaven if they even got their first.

But I'm learning. I'm tempted to say I've learnt. But I cannot conclusively say that. I'm learning. I've taken bold gigantic steps in the right direction.

Forget the rest, play your game.

That's what we learned in church a couple of Sunday's ago. This isn't the first time I'm hearing these words. My facilitator at Parenting Class taught his son this; Do what you have to do, let others take care of their feelings. So that's my motto from now on. People who play their game are; Focused, Grateful and Gracious. That is going to be me from now on.

en·vy (ĕnˈvē)

noun pl. envies en·vies

1. a. A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.
   b. The object of such feeling: Their new pool made them the envy of their neighbors.
2. Obsolete Malevolence.