The Fallacy Of The Wedding

Today I reflect on the fallacy that is a wedding.

By God don't I feel cheated! My 3,000 bob manicure and 40,000 bob dress did not in any way open up my eyes to the entire fallacy of the day. When I walked down the aisle in my mother's arm, all dolled-up, I was convinced that that wedding was a perfect reflection of what would be my perfect marriage to my perfect man. And what a great start it would be!

Boy was I cheated.

I still think God chuckles at every bride wearing a 21,000 bob Brazilian weave imagining that the biggest of their problems will be a toilet seat left up, toothpaste squeezed from the centre of the tube and a tissue roll wrongly placed. "Yes, I know marriage is hard, but we love each other, we'll make it through TOGETHER." Nothing about that wedding prepares you for the day your husband in a fit of rage packs all his things and walks out on you and your two children. No perfectly crafted wedding cake will sort out a wife who constantly puts you down and spends her days killing whatever little is left of your dignity.

I was so not prepared.

My husband and I's very first fight would you believe it, was on Day 1 of our honeymoon. Oh for a heart to be a runaway wife! The thing is, I really didn't see IT coming. All the dancing and merry making of the previous day did not provide an inkling into what I thought was a fight deserving of a trip to a marriage counsellor followed by a visit to the lawyers to see what my options were. Boy did we fight! What did we fight about? I being the writer that I am, wanted to spend an hour or two after breakfast, journaling our favourite moments from the wedding while they were still fresh. Who doesn't want to sit on a porch facing the ocean, wind blowing the white curtains back and forth, 40 years later, reminiscing about the wedding while going through our journal? So I read to many Mills and Boons. Sue me! But who does not want that? My husband. He looked at me with that look that I now refer to as the Are-You-Out-Of-Your-Mind look of his, turned over and went in for a mid-morning nap.

Boy was I NOT prepared.

Are you KIDDING ME?? Is he serious!!! Who can I call? Should I call someone? He CAN'T do this to ME on OUR honeymoon!!! Should I text someone? Oh wait, we are supposed to be 'out of circulation'. What will they think of me? OF US?? Oh my God, WHAT did I just marry!! Needless to say, the back turning and going to sleep thing has since become a bit of a kawaida thing in our house. I do it, he does it, we both do it. Never that serious. If I don't like what you are saying, I turn my back on you and sleep. Suck it up! Dr. Gary Chapman would be so disappointed in me. In us! Oh my goodness, did I just say me? I meant US, WE, OURS! That's what the wedding tells us write? We hold hands the entire day with the cake lady screaming "Don't let go of her hand! From now on you hold that hand." I truly think that could have been the last time my husband and I held hands except for the occasional handshake. Yes we shake hands. No we don't hug at every opportunity and we most definitely do not kiss the bride!

Sigh.

If marriage was a true reflection of the wedding, then perhaps we'd all have near-perfect marriages where we sail in a maze of fresh flowers everyday (big up yourself if your husband brings you fresh flowers every day). We'd eat buffet meals prepared by top-notch chefs. We'd run late and find a smiling husband waiting for you in the car telling you how beautiful you look. And yes, oh yes, we'd drive off into the sunset soaking in the love and romance of the days to come. But you spent your first Christmas washing an endless assortment of dishes and cooking another ugali a size of which you'd never experienced in your life? And he spent his showing of his less than perfect wife to his family, right in time for her to ask "Gosh! How do you put on this paraffin lantern?? You guys don't have elec??" Hahahahahaha.

Nothing perfect there.

And yet there is no need for perfection in marriage. No pressure really. Where does God step in, if your husband doesn't occasionally slam the door behind him when he leaves, so angry that his lazy wife couldn't be up early enough to prepare him a gourmet breakfast. Where is God if his wife, doesn't click and make a face, imagining if he'd survive the non-stick pan making contact with the back of his head? His strength must be made perfect in our weakness. And through His grace, most of us get to fight another day, and another, and another...

And another.

The fallacy of the wedding. And yet the wedding is the single most important thing you'll do for your marriage. Because it is the wedding, amidst the song and dance, amidst the horse and carriage, amidst the something borrowed and something blue, that you vow, NEVER to walk out, never to give up, never to say it's over, until you die! Now you may get lucky and die right when you discover the man you married is a monster in disguise or your wife is Cruella D'Evil. But to be honest, you'll most likely have to live through that for the rest of your life. And that, my friends, is the truth! The fallacy of the wedding is imagining that you, can in your strength, a good budget and some excel sheets, work out a perfect marriage.

Maybe by His strength. And maybe not today. Hang in there.