"I knew I would find you!" That hug. That scent. That warmth. I broke away quickly. Almost willing the effect of it away. Damn it! I should have left earlier. I knew I should have left when I first thought to. I was about an hour too late.
"Hi! How are you finding the place? Have you settled in okay?" Was he speaking to me? Was the guy from the port actually standing right next to me, addressing me?? Stop it heart! Stop racing! Stop it! Move on! "It's alright." I managed. Alright? That's it? Where are my adjectives? I'm paid to communicate. Communicate woman! "Everything okay at the house? Need anything?" I need you! I want YOU! "No, I'm fine." I managed my usual smile. "Thanks". Stop it heart! He can probably hear you!!! C'mon! "Well, I promised your Aunty I'd take care of you while she's away so if you do need anything, anything at all, just ask." Do I get to need you? Can I have you? Do I need to ask for you? "Okay, thanks."
"Hi! Long time!" I muttered barely audibly. "This is my sister, my cousin, my baby brother and his girlfriend, and my daughter." He went round the circle seamlessly saying hello. He was just as charming as he'd been that sunny day at the port. Working his way around my family with a smile. Just as he'd always done. Only, I didn't really care. It had worn off. Whatever IT was, had long worn off.
Then, I used every opportunity, every chance I got, to see him. I was the messenger, delivering what could easily have been emailed to him. I sat across from him at meetings, if only to watch as he presented his absolute brilliance to the world. To say I was completely awed and smitten would be an understatement! And yet there was still the little matter. There was still that little piece of jewellery I couldn't get past. I was young enough to build up the thoughts but old enough to know I'd never be able to carry them through. Still I stared. Still I dreamed. Still I imagined.
Now, he looks at me. It is dark, but I sense the familiarity in his gaze. "You are good?" His honest concern almost breaks through. "I'm good. You?" Small talk is not my thing. I'm chatty, bubbly, even a tad touchy. "Yeah. Your aunt insisted I should come for the party so here I am." I could have used a warning! I really should have left earlier. It was late, I'd had a long day, I had my princess with me. Surely I had every reason! "Oh I see, she's right there at the tent." Dismissively. Urging him onward towards her and away from me. "Who's that?" The nosy sister enquires as he walks away. "Remember my port guy? That's him." Nonchalance. "Uuuuuuuh goodness he is CUTE!" She giggles. He IS cute. And bleeding hot! He always had been. It didn't matter now though, did it? Over a decade later, no it didn't matter to me at all. "Come Princess, let's go home." I ignore the whining from all parties present and make for my car.
"I'm heading in your direction today. Need a ride?" That voice. Would I ever get over just how every word came out of his mouth in a perfect baritone? "Yeah, sure, why not." Yeah, sure why the hell not! Give me a ride by all means. Make it count. Make every minute count. Use the scenic route. Brush against me mistakenly if you must. Do it, and make it good! He opened the door. He ushered me in, made sure I was okay, and shut it. Well I never! "You are good?" Eyes looked right into mine and never for a second broke the gaze. "I'm good." I smiled and looked away lest he should read my mind. I was safe. I was okay. I was in good hands. Thousands of miles away from my familiarity. Safe. Okay. In good hands. My house was literally a minute away, but it felt like the longest ride of my life! As if nature conspired to stretch the microseconds to allow me to remain in the moment as long as possible. There could have been some small talk then. If there was, I never heard a word! "I'll see you tomorrow then? You have my number, let me know if you need a ride, I can pick you up." Damn that was fast! We were home already. I should invite him in. "Okay, thanks." Or perhaps not.
Why didn't I leave earlier? Hmmm... I should have. Didn't think he'd be here. Why didn't Aunty tell me he was coming? Ah but of course he was coming. They are such good friends. Hmm... I wonder how he ended up dating this other lady. Aunty must have hooked them up... mutual friends. How did he just show up there though? No warning.. I should have left... "Muuuum, muuum, tomorrow I'll be a flower girl at the wedding?"
My sandals were on the sand.
No comments:
Post a Comment