Sandals In The Sand - Chapter Three

A random ringback tone plays on the other end. I pace up and down the sides of the swimming pool almost willing my phone to fall in 'mistakenly'. Why on earth was I making this call? 12 years later no less! Maybe I should hang up before the voice comes through on the other end.

The maroon Toyota made it's way up the road to the beach; a now all too familiar route. It had become our thing. Leave work. Take the scenic route via the beach. Chill out a little. Then head home. The warm breeze from the ocean brushed over my face invitingly. Calling me to the beach for an evening walk. A drink. To watch the sun set. We made light conversation on our way there. Work mostly. And my long list of possible suitors lining up their proposals. From the office driver right up the ladder to the second in command. He laughed like he always did. I couldn't read him. Was he playing the protective big brother or the jealous suitor? I could never tell.

Just hang up darn it! But then if I do, it'll look like I was flashing him wouldn't it? Which is worse? You should never have dialled to begin with! Where's your pride?! I couldn't help it. Plus I'm just saying hi and seeing if he got back okay. Right! The heart and head were at it again. Sssssshhhhh keep it down both of you will you? I held my breath. Practiced my "Hello" in my head as I tried to silence the voices. Shoot! What if he doesn't pick up!

"Do you need to leave soon? Because I don't mind..." I tried to be polite. All the while hoping. "Leave for where?" he interjected almost rudely. "I meant, don't you have some place you should be... it's almost 7.." I added. All the while crossing my fingers, toes and eyes that he had the whole night. "I'm right where I want to be." He didn't disappoint. This was us. Gone were the days when the piece of metal was all I saw. It's glory had dimmed significantly. And though I was aware of it's existence and significance, I had began to deny it's power. But we were just two good ol' pals hanging around after work. Enjoying a canned soda. Discussing the job. Laughing and having a good time. I was a stranger with no one else to see and nowhere else to go. He just needed someone neutral to talk to and hang with.

Right?

"Hello?" deep baritone. "Hey! Hi?" He caught me off guard. The palms were suddenly moist. "Hi!" deep baritone response. Straight. No brouhaha. I fought off the regret. "How are you doing?" nonchalance. "I'm good". flat baritone. Huh? That's it? Is this it? What on earth... maybe he lost my number and doesn't know it's me.

Right?

He was quiet. Quieter than his usual quiet. I was always the chatterbox. He mostly smiled and asked questions. His profession probably demanded of it. But he also appeared a tad weary and subdued. Like like was being drained out of him. I stared at him long and hard that day at the beach. He stared ahead at the waves. I tried again to figure him out. I couldn't. I never did. All I knew what he was there, when he was there. And when he left, he left. "Call it a night?" I managed. "Sure. If you're ready?" deep eyes looked into mine. I held the gaze just long enough to soak them in. "I'm ready." I was so ready. I tried to remember a time I'd wanted someone so bad that I couldn't have. I could only imagine the pop stars on TV who were forever beyond reach. He was right here. He was flesh and blood. So near, and yet so very far.

"It's me!" I added my name just to elicit the usual reaction. I waited to hear the smile in his voice as he said my name like he always did. I waited for the pet names to start checking in. I waited to be asked if I was 'good.' Boy did I wait. "Oh okay. Listen, can I call you back?"

My heart sunk. Lower than it had been before I made the decision to dial that number after ignoring it for 12 years. In a flash, I was the underdog again. I hated being the 'chaser'. I hated the feeling. It's that sinking feeling that had sent me calling and now the darn phone call had taken me right back.

"Okay!" I managed. He hung up.

Sandals were left on the sand.