Road Rage

I am slowly beginning to become "one of the guys" when I'm on the road. Scaringly so. I click, sneer, curse, point, shake my head and most of all, I drive like one of the guys.

See ever since it became my routine to drive from the traffic cube that is South C to Kilimani every morning and then back to Industrial Area, it became apparent that there are more jinga drivers on the road than I could ever have imagined. Like today there was this guy in a pearl green VITZ. A VITZ! Trying to overtake my 2000cc sports car. Seriously. First of all, let me just say that it is indeed very disturbing for a man's choice of car to be a PEARL GREEN vitz! The chap thought he could beat me down Mbagathi road. I almost got let down by a Premio that was being driven like a Vitz. But no you don't VITZ!

Now, I'm all for affirmative action, HOWEVER (say it like Ian Mbugua on TPF) some women gon kill me o! Especially the ones driving the NZEs. Yes, nimemulika mwizi. How are you going to let every, Tom, Dick and Vitz cut in front of you! C'MON!!!! There's a pedal on your right and it goes all the way down, STEP ON IT!!!!! This is especially painful when you've risked a 'grass is greener on the other lane' move only to find Miss NZE. Homer Simpson was so on when he invented the term D'OH!!

My momma always said be very wary of short men and men who wear white shoes. I will add to the wariness MEN WHO DRIVE COMPANY CARS! What on earth???? I'm going to let you know after surviving a roll and some minor fender benders, ED is certainly not afraid of your Hilux-D-Max-Shoulda-Gotta-Honda bull bars! So don't try and bully me and my ED just because you think I drive like one of them NZE ladies. Na ah!

But you know what I do sometimes? I put on my nicest woiye-I-am-just-a-chick faces and even hold the steering with both hands and look squarely forward like I'm concentrating just so someone lets me cut in front of them. Works all the time. Especially when its a tight spot, or you are overlapping (sorry) and you know no ones going to let you through. Then as soon as they do, I let out my MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA, put my horns back on, put my left hand back on the gear and like Terminator... I'M BUUUUHHHHCK!!!

Just figured its probably why I end up stuck behind Miss NZE.

I'n Am Alcoholic

Yes you read write. Really ewe did.

Says a workmate (who was rushed to hospital unconscious on Christmas eve because of severe case of Gastritis*)to other workmate, "Heh, I think I will quit drinking. I think it's what causing this gastritis and...". Cuts in other workmate angrily, "Are you serious, how can you say you are quitting drinking because of Gastritis. Has anyone told you all that drinking is what's causing it?" Replies a workmate, "I think so, there's no other explanation." Retorts other workmate, "What do you mean, you know water can also cause that thing of yours. How can you say you want to stop drinking." (Insert mssscccheeeewww here).

Am I losing my mind? No seriously. Am I?


*Gastritis is an inflammation of the lining of the stomach, and has many possible causes.[1] The main acute causes are excessive alcohol consumption or prolonged use of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (also known as NSAIDs) such as aspirin or ibuprofen.

Eye Candy

Have you ever marveled at God's creation? At how some people are so nicely put together. Almost like Einstein was God's lab assistant at creation, helping him calculate the proportions, angles and tangents. Please don't take my mathematical terminology seriously. To quote Amani Maranga; I had the 2% that your father was looking for when you scored 98% in Maths in high school.

Still, there really is such a thing as eye candy. I see it every time I take photographs. But its not so much that these are superliciously beautiful people, I really do believe that its the inside that's reflected on the outside, and it radiates such an immense level of beauty, you really cannot help but stop, stare and luckily for me SNAP.. you know.. its part of the job. :)

You've got to realize that God doesn't create ugly. We do. We bring ugly on ourselves. We mapped up the route to ugliness. We created the S.I. unit for ugly. And then we ranked each other and ourselves even, and put ourselves in that little box called "I'm-Not-So-Good-Looking" whereas admittedly, we all are good-looking unique little creatures with a whole lot going for us; sparse hair, knock knees, pot belly, cross eyes, a generous bosom, notwithstanding. And I'm not talking about flaws here. A flaw ain't nothing but a unique identifying mark, so if you have a pot, rub it and love it! I'm talking about UGLY.

Have you ever met the girl with the thick waistline and wondered how she manages to rock that figure belt? Yeah, me too. Have you ever tried the same look and failed miserably. Yeah, me too. Have you then decided that figure belts are just not your thing and moved back to your Toi Market dress tops and resigned yourself to your fate as a "Not-So-Good-Looking" person. Yeah, me too. And have you ever encountered the couple that looks SOOOOOO good together... finishing each others sentences, never had a tiff in their life, both love oysters, ice-skating and watching chick flicks. Both cheer FC Porto and spend their evenings in the kitchen, she washing the dishes, he wiping them and storing them away in their sanitized Clean House Comes Clean kitchen... *sigh* I hate them. They make me want to Msscccheeeewww! Never mind me. I'm on stage 4; The Who-Do-They-Think-They-Are-Kidding stage.

It really is amazing what people go through to hide their 'uglies' and to make themselves look like they have it all together. And people have BIG BAAAAD uglies. And boy will they go to LENGTHS to hide them uglies. Eventually when you find out just how much dust is under their carpet, your pot belly and knock knees can't compete. You get that feel good factor about yourself. You begin to say, 'okay, I know I'm fat, but at least I'm not THAT fat'. You hug yourself and say, 'I am somebody!'

SURELY you must know we are not born ugly. We go looking for ugly, we find ugly and we make ugly a part of us. And then we rationalize that at least our ugly really isn't as ugly as other people's ugly. 'We are just friends'. Says the girl 'hanging' with the other girls husband. 'But si she knows that I have a wife'. Says the guy. Kwani what's wrong with. The four words which when put together, are begging for a justification for ugly. Kwani what's wrong with. If someone ever begins a sentence with those words my advice to you is RUN! Kwani whats wrong with being ambitious; Sleeps Way To Top. Kwani whats wrong with not asking her out; Strings 5 Girls Along. Kwani whats wrong with borrowing cash to throw a party; Keeps Up With Joneses. Kwani whats wrong with moving along swiftly?

Ugliness is a conscious decision you make. A million people can tell you that you are beautiful or that you CAN be beautiful, but you have to decide for YOURSELF to accept that affirmation. No amount of hard talk or coercion, gentle persuasion or midnight wakes can restore your beauty of feeling of beauty. To edit and re-quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel UGLY without your consent". And no one can make you DO ugly without your consent either. Its up to you to make a conscious sober decision to turn your ugly into yummylicious EYE CANDY. Then you can rock that figure belt on your thick waistline and look as good as that chick.

Eye candy comes from the inside. And now to go look for tops in Toi.

Happy Go Lucky

I love photography. I love looking at my excellent shots, and I especially love when my clients are happy with their work.

I hate meeting with clients. I hate being taken advantage of. I hate it when people think I am worth less than what I'm charging them, and when they try to negotiate or cut shortcuts with my packages. I hate the feeling afterward when I've agreed to do a job for much less than its worth. I hate that I'm not as good a business woman as I am a photographer.

But I love Ed. No, not my car. I love my car Ed as well. But this other Ed is my latest client. He gets married in April, and I met him yesterday. I went shivering because I had been briefed about this fast-thinking, heated-discussing, marketing man. I wished I had an alter ego that checked in whenever I was meeting a client. But then Ed was different. He knew what he wanted and he went for it. He allowed me room to think and didn't try to negotiate. Its probably partly because he can afford it, but it's mostly because he assents to the fact that I am a good photographer. At the end of the discussion, I carried with me a 5-figure cheque that is the deposit for the work I will do in April. And because of that, I intend to do a DARN GOOD JOB. I intend to make sure that Ed is very happy with my work.

I'm always happy when a would-be client disses me for another photographer, and when I look at their pictures I see why. I'm always very ticked off when a would-be client who is trying to skrimp on their photography budget decides to go with another photographer and the end result is terrible pictures that they have to live with for the rest of their lives. You've got to understand, that especially for a wedding, and if you live in the real world where you won't have 10 of them, those photographs is what you will show to your children and the generations after them.

Perhaps dark photos with absolutely no attention to composition are your style. Or you have a "M-bahatisho" photographer that just barely got your photos to you. Thats fine with me. But I'd rather you had no chicken on the menu, no seat-covers and tie-backs, and most definitely trade in Kayamba Whatever for a wonderful album with good photographs in it.

Call me.

Finger of God

Let me just say my "Leave Eric Alone" worked. Now I should do a "Leave Hellon Alone". I think what started off innocently may have grown a life of its own. Hellon is a man of God, at least I know he was when I used to be in DMF. Hana ubaya. Lakini, I think he has exposed himself negatively by being too permissive. Even the Bible says, "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial". He is surrounded by people with issues, and if you give people with issues airtime they will cling onto you. Us guys did it time for DMF. We ran away from our problems and came to reflect them in ministry. We spent our days casting out demons from each other over and over. We liked to experience new things like blowing the Holy Spirit onto someone and having them fall. And we liked to be the ones to fall and speak in tongues as well. It took me a good number of years to establish that I didn't need anyone to lay hands on me or prophecy and tell me whom I was going to be married to.

It took me several more years to discover that indeed God could set you free without all the drama. In your bedroom, without anyone ever laying hands on you, or you screaming and frothing in the mouth. It took spiritual maturity for me to be able to connect with God BY MYSELF. ON MY OWN.

See, WE are Hellon's problem. We fill his hallways, and are happy when he moves to a bigger house because then we can camp there and 'receive' from 'him' day and night. And we become addicted to Hellon and we decide that we shall not move until Hellon speaks into our lives. WE are the cult. WE are the idol-worshippers. WE worship Hellon, and not the God of Hellon. And then we bring our friends. Our friends with their issues, all come to seek Hellon. And then we multiply. And very soon, we attract some celebs. And then we hit the headlines. And then Hellon becomes a cult leader.

See if this really was a true, premeditated cult.. surely we would have caught on. Its been 10 YEARS. Love team started in 2000. Finger of God started in 2001. Its only spiralling now because Esther Arunga got caught up in the madness. I absolutely see her quitting her job and telling off her mom. And I completely see her calling her recently-wed friend to tell her "God says you should leave your husband". We did that all the time. I remember coughing out a few 'prophecies' in my time. I blame it on the adrenaline. I blame it on my spiritual childishness. I wanted to have what Hellon had. I wanted the power. I wanted people to ask ME what God had to say about them. Ask ME! Ask me, like you ask Hellon. Come to ME. It was all about ME!

Hellon let us get away with our childish spiritual antics. He never castigated us. And when he rebuked us, he did it with love. He became like a father to us, most of us who came from fatherless homes. He said we would learn over time, how to listen to and speak out God's word. I remember him clearly teaching us that where the Spirit of God is, there is order. So he didn't say, "Go ye into the world, and move out of your homes and into mine, and leave your families, and tell people they will surely die, and be ye married to this man that you do not know". He didn't have to. We were DIY.

And I think it is that empathy with 'baby' Christians that has got him in this mess. Through my lenses, he allowed them to get too close. He really is only human. If you keep coming to me for solutions, at some point, the demand will supercede the supply, and I will tell you what I think you want to hear.

But that's just me. For his sake, I hope this boils over.

And just because you are wondering;

Exodus Chapter 8

The Plague of Gnats

16 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Stretch out your staff and strike the dust of the ground,' and throughout the land of Egypt the dust will become gnats." 17 They did this, and when Aaron stretched out his hand with the staff and struck the dust of the ground, gnats came upon men and animals. All the dust throughout the land of Egypt became gnats. 18 But when the magicians tried to produce gnats by their secret arts, they could not. And the gnats were on men and animals.

19 The magicians said to Pharaoh, "This is the finger of God." But Pharaoh's heart was hard and he would not listen, just as the LORD had said.

Small Doses

"When a person decides to fearlessly influence society, then he/she will inevitably threaten established forces-that-be that benefit from the status quo. Such forces will do everything in their power to isolate and keep them down" ~ Pastor Muriithi

So Hellon is in trouble with the law-keepers. Apparently his church has contravened a few laws in the way they operate and now it is being referred to as a cult. See this is why I call my blog Through MY lenses, because for all intents and purposes, from the outside looking in, Hellon IS running a cult. He has this massive house in Runda, has a lot of money, and has about 10 single women living with him and his wife. Common sense would ask many questions about this arrangement. Alarm bells are ringing now because he got tangled up with a famous tv presenter Esther Arunga, and apparently she quit her job and left her family to go and join the 'cult'. Hmmm.

But I was once a member of that 'cult'. Years ago as I finished Uni, while looking to discover my purpose and get deeper in my faith I joined a group of people who wanted to achieve the same and we formed the "Love Team". I remember spending several nights at the Pastor's house, my friends and I. We practically moved in. We would use our pocket money to buy food and cook and we became like a family. We spent Fridays kesha-ring, Saturday's at Praise and Worship and on Sunday, Hellon would come to preach. I loved it! I couldn't get enough, so I extended my stay. My mom was so upset with me. She told me I was in a 'cult'. I told her she didn't understand my faith, and that she was standing in the way of me and my God. We never saw eye to eye.

I remember when Nimrod Hellon became Joseph Hellon. We had all learnt about the significance of names and whom you are named after. Like how your daughter Rahab turns out to be a prostitute, or your cousin named after your drunken uncle, turns out to be an alcoholic. Turns out Nimrod had some demonic connotations. So we were happy when he dropped the name and picked Joseph.

"Love Team" would go to schools to preach and be banned from ever returning because we had become what we called a "Demons Must Flee" group. We would see demons on chairs, trees, fruits, anywhere! We would go to schools and leave girls screaming out demons during preps. The teachers didn't like it. We were banned. We moved on. I remember our Pastor being beaten to pulp by a cop whose Muslim daughter converted to Christianity during one of our missions. It was a mess. But we loved it. We loved being in Love team. I loved it! I loved the 'power' that I had. The power to lay hands on people and have them fall to the floor. I had found an identity. Someone who cared for me and accepted me. Not just God, but Hellon.

Fast forward.... Eventually, it would be the pastor's fiancee that would kick us out of her soon-to-be house, which we found outrageous!! How dare she! But it was that kick that jolted me back to the real world. See, there is absolutely nothing wrong with praying and worshiping and casting out demons. Its what Jesus would have done. However, one word needs to apply; MODERATION. Even the Bible says "knowledge puffs up; wisdom lingers".

So I feel bad for Hellon, from where he stands, he is just doing what he needs to be doing. Spreading the word and the love. But from the outside looking in, he better have a better explanation.

Mind My Own Business

Speaking of Lenses, nothing annoys me more than people who try to take advantage of me and my photography. Listen, I am a darned good photographer. And I get better with every job. So don't try and make me shoot your wedding for 15K and then demand for 40K service. In fact, the only reason I'm agreeing to do your wedding for 15K is because I like doing weddings. Scratch that. I love shooting weddings. I like all the crazy characters involved, like the one woman who sings and dances like her life depends on it. I love all the bridezilla moments in the morning when a hairpin is missing, or a car has not showed up on time. I love the aunties walking in ululating to a bridesmaid, because they don't even know who the bride is. I love every excruciating moment spent on my feet from 6am to 6pm, without food, without a break, and then being invited to evening parties to unwind, and being asked to carry along my camera. I love meeting new people, learning new songs. I love leaving the photo session and wondering if I got all the shots. (I always nail it!) I love weddings. I absolutely do.

So listen, I'm happy to hand you over to a photographer of your choice and of your budget. But if I'm your choice photographer, pay me what I ask, and let me give you the best memories EVER!

Welcome to My Blog.

Welcome to my blog! Everyone says I should start a blog. I think its because I talk too much. And write to much. And I'm also opinionated. I have a board of governors in my head that tell me to open my mouth when I shouldn't.

I also take very many pictures. And I have things to say about them. So welcome to life through my lenses...