Road Rage

I am slowly beginning to become "one of the guys" when I'm on the road. Scaringly so. I click, sneer, curse, point, shake my head and most of all, I drive like one of the guys.

See ever since it became my routine to drive from the traffic cube that is South C to Kilimani every morning and then back to Industrial Area, it became apparent that there are more jinga drivers on the road than I could ever have imagined. Like today there was this guy in a pearl green VITZ. A VITZ! Trying to overtake my 2000cc sports car. Seriously. First of all, let me just say that it is indeed very disturbing for a man's choice of car to be a PEARL GREEN vitz! The chap thought he could beat me down Mbagathi road. I almost got let down by a Premio that was being driven like a Vitz. But no you don't VITZ!

Now, I'm all for affirmative action, HOWEVER (say it like Ian Mbugua on TPF) some women gon kill me o! Especially the ones driving the NZEs. Yes, nimemulika mwizi. How are you going to let every, Tom, Dick and Vitz cut in front of you! C'MON!!!! There's a pedal on your right and it goes all the way down, STEP ON IT!!!!! This is especially painful when you've risked a 'grass is greener on the other lane' move only to find Miss NZE. Homer Simpson was so on when he invented the term D'OH!!

My momma always said be very wary of short men and men who wear white shoes. I will add to the wariness MEN WHO DRIVE COMPANY CARS! What on earth???? I'm going to let you know after surviving a roll and some minor fender benders, ED is certainly not afraid of your Hilux-D-Max-Shoulda-Gotta-Honda bull bars! So don't try and bully me and my ED just because you think I drive like one of them NZE ladies. Na ah!

But you know what I do sometimes? I put on my nicest woiye-I-am-just-a-chick faces and even hold the steering with both hands and look squarely forward like I'm concentrating just so someone lets me cut in front of them. Works all the time. Especially when its a tight spot, or you are overlapping (sorry) and you know no ones going to let you through. Then as soon as they do, I let out my MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA, put my horns back on, put my left hand back on the gear and like Terminator... I'M BUUUUHHHHCK!!!

Just figured its probably why I end up stuck behind Miss NZE.